


Soul Bound

by Sagittae



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Spoilers, Weird Plot Shit, vox machina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-23 10:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17078231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagittae/pseuds/Sagittae
Summary: The members of the Mighty Nein remember what they once were... well, somewhat.





	1. Fjord

**Author's Note:**

> I'm beginning to realize that I only write AUs. The concept may be a bittttt weird to follow, but I hope you are able to enjoy! 
> 
> Jester is next chapter!

The first time they notice any changes is in Fjord.

Fjord liked to think that he was level-headed — reasonable. He was usually of a sound and rational mind so long as he hadn’t had too much to drink or Jester wasn’t around to fluster him. He was tactical, witty, and more often than not, he was the one to speak for the group.

Which is why it was a surprise to everyone, and certainly a shock to him, when he found himself getting _angry_. And it wasn’t a reasonable, explainable anger. If he were to be honest with himself, the rage that he felt was just… stupid.

Sometimes it would be over petty things, like the one time when Jester drew dicks all over the back of his armor. Irritation and annoyance coursed through him so fiercely, that he couldn’t hold back the growl in his voice when he had snapped at her for it.

Fjord had come back to himself the moment he saw Jester’s mischievous smile die. The flash of hurt in her eyes washed away any residual rage that he had felt in that small moment.

“Hey, man. What the fuck? It’s not a big deal. Caleb can just magic away the ink if that’s what you’re all worked up about,” Beau said, giving him a strange look.

In fact, they were _all_ giving him looks.

“J-Jester I…” Fjord stammered out, blinking away the confusion of the moment. All he wanted to do now was apologize. “I’m sorry. I… don’t know what came over me.”

Jester was staring at him, still appearing upset, but then she gave him a tight smile. “It’s okay, Fjord! I guess it was kind of mean to draw on your stuff like that. I know you didn’t mean it, so don’t worry!”

However, that might have been what scared Fjord the most. There was a tiny instant where he had been so angry that it almost seemed… bloodthirsty. He shook his head of the thought. He would _never_ hurt Jester.

Right?

* * *

The other time that he had felt that same rage had been ten times worse. They were fighting some fish creatures in an underwater dungeon and things weren’t looking too good for them. Caleb was getting cornered by two enemies, Jester and Caduceus were taking cover from arcane blasts and Yasha and Beau fought side to side against as many of the swarm as they could. Fjord had taken to higher ground and was shooting bolts of eldritch energy from the pommel of his sword and raining them down on their foes. It wasn’t until he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye, a small mass of green and grey, getting thrown across the cavern and against one of the cave’s jagged walls. Nott yelped in pain at the connection, but then stayed motionless as she crumpled to the ground.

Distantly, Fjord could hear the broken yell of Jester echo through the chamber, but his eyes locked on the unmoving goblin.

And then suddenly, he couldn’t see anything but _red._

There was a loud, guttural cry of fury and it took Fjord a few seconds to realize that the sound had been coming from _him_. Things were moving in a blur, then. A surge of strength and power coursed through his veins and he felt unstoppable. He jumped down from his perch and before he could even register the thought, he cleaved one enemy completely in half. The smell of blood and seawater only bolstered him, and it was wrong — so wrong — but he ran through the battlefield wanting more.

He didn’t know how long they fought for, he didn’t know how many he tore down. Towards the end, he could barely tell the difference between the fish men and his friends.

And by the time Fjord rent the flesh from his final opponent, he realized that all he could hear was the pounding adrenaline in his ears and his heavy breaths. He looked around at a world tinted by red, and he nearly lunged at the next thing that moved.

But he stopped.

And he saw a wary Yasha cautiously walking towards him, taking ridiculously small steps for someone so large. Her hands were up placatingly, her sword sheathed on her back. Behind the heavy pulse of blood in his ears, he heard Beau hiss a warning towards Yasha, but the woman ignored her.

Instead, all she continued inching closer to him and broke the silence when she said softly, “Fjord. It’s okay, buddy. We’re done now.”

Fjord didn’t think he had _ever_ heard Yasha say the word “ _buddy_ ” to him or anyone else, and yet the sentence was so absurd — so  _familiar_ — that he instantly snapped out of whatever hold was over him. He could feel himself calming down, and soon he could hear his own thoughts again. The muffled filter that had blotted out the rest of the world had lifted, and the red that obscured his vision was fading away. He was dimly aware of the blue blood that covered his blade and the cold wetness of the same substance splattered across his neck and face, but the more pressing issue was being able to stay standing.

The world spun for a second, and Fjord swayed on his feet, feeling more exhausted than he had ever felt before. The strength that had once controlled his limbs was dwindling fast and it left him weak and dazed. Yasha finally bridged the gap between them and held his frame steady, wariness gone, her mismatched eyes reflecting only concern.

Though, after looking around, it didn’t take long for Fjord to see why.

The cavern floor that they had been fighting in was covered in the bodies of the fish creatures. Some were covered in arrows or burn marks, but most had been carved to pieces brutally. The falchion in his hand hung guiltily, still dripping blood. He put two and two together fairly quickly.

“Wha…?” Fjord mumbles, mind still slightly hazy. “Did I…?”

To his left, he saw Caleb walking towards him and Yasha. His steps were slow, but less cautious now that Fjord had spoken.

“You killed them – though I suppose it was a team effort,” Caleb provided. “I assume you are back to normal then?”

Fjord just felt more confused. _What the hell did I do?_ “What do you mean?”

Beau apparently deemed it safe to approach as well, because she stepped forward and scoffed, “ _‘Normal’_ , my ass. You went berserk on these fish fuckers, man. Your eyes were glowing red and it wasn’t until Yasha talked you down that you stopped pounding that guy.”

Fjord’s eyes traveled down to where Beau had pointed and he saw a gruesome sight of blood and — he shook his head.

“I don’t know what happened,” Fjord admitted, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to collect his swirling thoughts. “I-I remember seeing Nott. She got slammed pretty bad, and then… I was just… so _angry_ and suddenly I felt like I had the strength of ten bulls.”

Jester had wandered over to where he was leaned against Yasha having just finished healing Nott. She pressed a glowing hand to his forehead. “You’re not sick or anything,” Jester said slowly, then examined his eyes with a small frown. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Fjord,” Yasha started. She was still hovered near him, perhaps worried that he would finally topple over. “Would you say what you felt was… rage?”

His eyes widened at the familiar word and what she was implying. “I’m not… I’ve never had those kinds of abilities…”

“Who knows? Maybe Uk’otoa gave it to you,” Beau suggested with a cross-armed shrug.

Fjord knew that couldn’t have been it. What he had felt was… different. It was as if all the hatred he had ever felt in his life boiled up into one bubble and had burst at that very moment.  And the fact that he had done all of that just after he saw Nott get hurt was just too strange to write off as an accident. Something in the back of his mind told him it wasn’t from his patron, either. Whatever this was, it ran deeper than any of their knowledge reached.

Nott spoke up, “You don’t have to worry about me, Fjord. I can handle myself just fine.” And she made a point of reloading her crossbow.

“Good,” Fjord answered, still shaken up, because for a moment he could have _sworn_ that he saw Nott loading a bolt onto the strings of a _lute—_. He pressed a hand to his head and blinked away the image. “Let’s… Let’s just get out of here.”

* * *

For a while, things did go back to “normal” as Caleb had put it. They had reached another town and were planning on staying around for a few days to rest and maybe shop around. Those plans were thrown out of the window as soon as Beau caught wind of a shady underground business related to transporting explosives. It didn't take long for them to stick their nose where it didn’t belong. And after one job payment from a _different_ shady underground business leader, Fjord was now in the cellar of a high class inn disguised as an elf while trying to rifle through the notes on the desk of the man in charge of the operation.

Frumpkin meowed from where he sat on the floor, peering into the hallway to keep watch.

“We still clear?” Fjord asked, only feeling a little stupid for talking to a damn cat.

“ _Mrrow._ ” One meow: yes. Good, they still had time.

Upstairs there was a rather fancy party being held where most of the remaining Nein were meant to keep anyone from coming down to the cellar. Fjord had argued that Caleb or Nott should have been the one to do this mission, but both of them were in hiding after one of Nott’s little heists had gone wrong. Though, despite the lack of manpower and the circumstances of the situation, things had been going smoothly so far. Perhaps one of their plans would go right for once.

“ _Mrrew,_ ” Frumpkin trilled quietly and Fjord looked up to find that the cat was staring at him expectantly through glowing eyes.

Fjord mumbled, “Yeah, yeah, tell Caleb I’m trying to find it.” The cat turned back to the hallway with an annoyed flick of his tail, and Fjord briefly wondered if that was a sign from Frumpkin or Caleb.

Shaking his head, he stared down at the documents laid out before him, trying to read bits and pieces of each paper to find the details on the illegal trade. However, as he skimmed over the first few pages, Fjord noticed something strange.

He wasn’t actually _reading_ anything. He couldn’t remember a single word that he had glanced over.

Blinking his eyes a few times to adjust to the low lighting again, he went back to really stare at a document. Fjord went over the first few lines once… then twice… and to his utter horror, he realized that he could see the words just fine, but it were as if he couldn’t remember what they meant. The note was very obviously written in Common, for he could recognize certain letters such as ‘R’ and ‘G’, but the rest of them might as well been written in triangles and squares. Caleb had suggested that they try to leave everything as it were to avoid raising suspicion, but that idea was soon becoming less and less possible.

“ _Mrrow?_ ” Frumpkin was staring at him again, though this time his head was tilted slightly.

Fjord shook his head, “There’s a problem… I can’t — I can’t read this…”

Frumpkin quickly padded over and hopped onto the desk. The cat stared down at the paper in Fjord’s hand. After a few moments, Caleb’s familiar turned and gave him the most disappointed look he had ever seen on a cat.

“ _Mroow._ ”

“Yeah, I _know_ it’s in Common, but I can’t–! I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” Fjord whispered frantically to the cat. After his small outburst, there was the sound of a heavy door opening down the hall. “Shit.”

_As if the situation couldn’t get any worse._

The sound of a single set of footsteps was beginning to get closer, and Frumpkin hissed. Fjord watched as Caleb's familiar started grabbing papers into his mouth and tossing them in Fjord’s direction. Fjord caught a few of them in his arms messily and asked, “Hey, what–?”

He wasn’t able to finish, because before he could, Frumpkin jumped onto his shoulder and placed a paw on his head. There was a bright light and his world turned into gray and white blobs. Fjord couldn’t seem to distinguish anything besides shapes and sizes at that point, but instead of walking around and exploring the strange new area he was in, something grabbed him from behind and was taking him away. With what little strength he had, Fjord attempted to break free, but whatever it was that held him was not giving an inch.

A loud yell from a giant startled him quite a bit, but soon they had moved passed the monster and over to a solid wall. Suddenly, they flew up and jumped off of the edge of the wall, landing with a heavy impact that shook him to his core. And then they were moving again. Fjord tried to piece together thoughts and images of whatever they passed, but he couldn’t even remember what he had been doing before.

What felt like an eternity went by and whatever it was that had a hold of him jumped up a wall this time, then landed in a dimly lit room. In the corner, he could see a giant sitting down with a smaller giant next to him. There was a couple muffled noises that he couldn’t understand, and then his mind returned to him.

By the time he had gathered himself again, Fjord was sprawled on the floor with about a dozen pieces of loose paper surrounding him and both Nott and Caleb staring at him strangely. The events of the last few minutes rushed back into his head and he took a few seconds to process them. “You _polymorphed_ me?”

Caleb explained, “It seemed like the most efficient way to get out without raising too much suspicion. There is no doubt that they will know that someone has taken their documents, but now they cannot hold the crime to a face.”

Fjord stretched out his arms awkwardly, still getting used to having long limbs again. “Thank you, then. I’ll admit I was… a bit flustered back there.”

Nott asked, “Caleb said that you couldn’t read these, is that true?” She picked up a few of the papers and ran her eyes over them. After she finished skimming them, she handed them over with a skeptical expression on her face. “You can read Common, right?”

Fjord took the papers from her and gave her a half-heated glare, “I _can_ , I just…” Words failed him as he attempted to read the very first line of the ledger and found himself being able to piece together every letter perfectly. “I can read Common.”

Caleb and Nott exchanged a look, but it was Caleb suggested, “Perhaps it was just the light or an enchantment in the room. Frumpkin could have just not been affected due to his Fey nature.” As he said this, Fjord was still examining the documents, amazed that the words were coming to him so easily once again.

Fjord scanned the letter again and again, going over the same first line: “ _In response to Damien Marcoff…”_

It just felt so _strange_ . Back in the hideout, his mind felt so jumbled and confused, but now there was nothing but clarity. _Maybe Caleb was right_ , Fjord thought.

Fjord read over the note three more times before he finally agreed, “Yeah… That must’ve been it.”


	2. Jester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments last chapter! I almost made myself cry when writing Jester, lol. There may be some spoilers for campaign 1, so read at your own risk! Also, please let me know if there are any errors! It's nearly 3AM, so my proofing is probably not at its best right now. Yasha is next!
> 
> Happy Holidays!

While Fjord was dealing with his issues, Jester tried to ignore hers.

She was used to pushing her problems into the back of her mind, but the events over the next few days became a bit difficult to shake off.

Many of them had brushed off Fjord’s strange behavior as just that. After all, it only lasted for a few days, then he was back to normal. However, Fjord insisted that there was something else going on, and as a group, they decided to look into it. Caleb and Caduceus had some ideas about it, while Jester and Nott just thought he was being mind controlled by illithids that wanted to eat his brain. Unfortunately, they had a vote which ended with them researching the former theory.

So now they were taking a day off from traveling so that Caleb, Fjord, Beau, and Caduceus could go into the Happy Fun Ball of Tricks and grab some books from the library. Over the past couple of months, they had returned to Halas’ chamber and cleared out most of the threats that still resided there. Every now and then they would run into a hostile table or something of the like, but beside that, the library was free. Just to be safe, they still went in teams on the off chance that something would happen.

They had limited the group to less than ten minutes in the Happy Fun Ball of Tricks. Any longer than that and they would be gone for a week. Time was really wonky when it came to the Fun Ball, and they all agreed that the outside group shouldn’t be alone for so long. They were meant to go in to get the books they needed to study and get out.

Nott, Jester and Yasha had decided to stay outside and guard the orb. They didn’t have much to worry about since Caleb had put up his magic dome as an extra precaution, but now they had another problem.

Jester was _bored_.

Yasha and Nott seemed to be occupying themselves well enough. Yasha was leaned on a rock and seemed to be mediating or dozing, while Nott was tinkering with her arrows. It had already been four hours and Jester had already said prayers to the Traveler, drawn in her sketchbook, and even made a dick with the super cool come-to-life paint, but now she had nothing to do.

Jester was just about to go see what modifications Nott was adding to her arrows, when Yasha quickly hopped to her feet. “There’s something here,” Yasha said to them both, her eyes tracking the outside of the bubble.

Nott got to her feet and held up her crossbow in preparation while Jester held onto a spell in the back of her mind. She could see it now — the bushes to the right of them were shaking slightly. The three of them were tense for the next few moments as they waited.

Suddenly, the head of a medium sized brown bear poked out from the shrubs, staring ahead curiously. In the corner of her eye, Jester could still see Nott and Yasha holding their weapons out, but she let the _sacred flame_ in her hand fizzle out. And without really thinking about it, she stepped closer to the edge of the bubble.

Nott warned, “Be careful, Jester!”

But she didn’t reply. Her gaze and attention were fixed on the animal that was padding towards them. The bear made a few grunting noises and as it got closer, Jester watched it sniff the magic forcefield. After a few seconds, the bear tilted its head curiously, looking straight ahead and right where Jester was standing.

Caleb had said that nothing on the outside would be able to see in, but something about the bear… it almost seemed like it was looking _at_ her.

A single word formed on Jester’s tongue. “Trinket…?”

And while she was so entranced by the animal, Jester didn’t realize that she had reached her hand up with the intention of leaving the shield. It wasn’t until another hand fell on her shoulder that she snapped her out of her daze.

Yasha had come up behind her, gently pulling her away from the edge of the barrier. Another minute past, and then the bear stalked off, having gotten over its discovery. As it walked away, Jester couldn’t understand why she felt so sad seeing it leave.

Nott said, “Bears are so scary. Not only are they huge, but they’ve got razor sharp teeth, giant claws...” Her words trailed off and she appeared to shiver at the thought.

“These mountains are home to many different types of bear. It was only a matter of time before we ran into one,” Yasha said thoughtfully. “They are formidable creatures.”

“I wouldn’t want to fight one,” Nott agreed, but then asked. “What about you Jester? You didn’t seem afraid it.”

Jester was still watching the space where she saw the bear disappear into the trees, but she shook her head and turned to the others. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never really seen many bears, but they’re kind of cute...” She couldn’t help the urge to glance back over her shoulder. Her mind wandered back to the moment when the bear stared at the barrier — like it was staring at _her_.

 _Why does that seem so familiar?_  Jester wondered to herself.

While lost in her own thoughts, Jester had missed most of the rest of Yasha and Nott’s conversation. By the time that she tuned back into the conversation, she barely caught the tail-end of Nott’s question.

“ — were you saying before? Something about a trinket?” Nott asked.

Jester tore her eyes from the foliage and forced herself to walk over to her friends. “It was nothing, really. But now that we’re talking about trinkets, can I see how you make your explode-y arrows?”

* * *

So, yeah, the bear thing was _kind of_ weird, but after she thought about it again, it made sense. Jester had always loved animals; what she did was just a natural reaction to seeing one that didn’t want to either kill or maim her. Or at least, that was what she told herself.

Since returning with the other research on whatever it was that was going on with Fjord, he and Caleb had been spending a lot of time at the local library researching. Meanwhile, the rest of the Nein went about the small town to explore and restock on missing items. Fjord had advised them all to stay in a group, or at least split off in pairs, so no one would be alone in case they were caught out. Their issues in Nicodranas might have been far away, but that didn’t mean that they hadn’t made a name for themselves as mercenaries.

Which was why Jester was with Beau and Nott for the day. Caduceus and Yasha had decided to go into the meadows on the other side of town, leaving the remaining three to go wherever they pleased. Beau had been wanting a new staff ever since her last one broke when they fought some weird gargoyle looking things, so now they were at a modest weapons shop, browsing around at the selection.

Beau was currently trying to haggle down the price of one of the larger staffs she had found, so Jester and Nott decided to try out some of the weapons that were being offered. Nott was checking out one of the nicer looking crossbows at the small range to the side of the shop, and Jester looked on, watching her hit the mark nearly every time.

“How did you get so good at shooting, Nott?” Jester asked.

Nott shrugged, “I’ve always been good at aiming, I suppose… My eyesight is pretty good, maybe it has something to do with that.” She loaded and shot another arrow, this time missing the center by a few inches.

As Jester continued to spectate her friend’s practice, she started to feel a strange sensation run down her arm and gather in her palm. The whistle of arrows flying through the air only amplified the twitch in her fingers, and suddenly she looked around for a bow. She _needed_ to shoot.

Her eyes scanned the store until she spotted a finely polished bow with silver detailing and snatched it from the walls. “I’m just going to try this one out, okay bye!” She called out to the shopkeeper and caught a brief glance at Beau’s confused gaze before she rushed back to the range.

Nott dropped her crossbow from her sights the moment that Jester approached, looking surprised. “I didn’t know that you liked bows, Jester. I mean, I know you like bows — like the stylish ones on your tail, but —.”

Jester was so distracted when setting up that she barely heard Nott’s words. It were almost as if her mind was on autopilot. Her body knew what to do, but the more she thought about it, the stranger it was. So, she pushed everything out of her mind and just went with the flow of what felt right.

 _Draw an arrow, notch it, pull back, keep the arm straight and_ — _FWAP!_

She released the arrow and the next time she blinked, it was embedded into the center of the second target. However, she didn’t stop there. For the next three minutes, Jester repeated the same steps over and over; and each time she heard the twang of the bow string bouncing back, it brought a smile to her face. She kept going until she reached into her quiver and found that she had nothing left to shoot.

It was only then that she began to return to herself.

“Whoa. I didn’t know you could shoot too, Jess.” Beau’s voice came from behind her. She was standing off to the side, leaning against the stone wall with her new staff hanging on her back. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you use a bow.”

Jester turned away to look down the range and was shocked that all of her arrows had hit the target, and almost all of them were near the center dot. She admitted, “I-I haven’t.”

In the corner of her eye, she could see Nott exchange a look with Beau, but Jester’s eyes were still focused on the target that seemed miles away.

_How did I do that?_

* * *

The same thing would happen over the next few days. Something odd would catch Jester’s attention, then she just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Her sketchbook was full of doodles of bears and trees and feathers, but she didn’t know _why_. It was as if her mind was reaching for something — a memory or distant thought — but she could never find it.

She wasn’t worried... It wasn’t that big of a deal…

...until one day, she couldn’t ignore it anymore.

They had been camping out for a couple days now after returning from the mountains. They hadn’t passed any cities or even villages along the way, so they were roughing it for as long as they could. Luckily, her and Caduceus could provide the basic food and water if needed, but they were all aching for a real place to rest. And while Jester loved the times when the group all sat around the fire to tell stories, none of them really enjoyed sleeping out in the open, especially in territories that were so close to the capital.

It had just been another day on the road, and Jester woke up early that morning. She took some time to stretch out, giving a satisfied yawn despite her watch shift that night. She stood from her bedroll and brushed off her clothes, telling herself to find Caleb later on and ask him to use Prestidigitation on her cloak.

There was still a bit of time before the sun fully rose, so Jester began to pack away her things, tossing her sleeping gear into the Haversack. After most of her belongings were tucked away, she glanced around the camp for loose items one last time. It was then that she noticed that one of the bedrolls next to Nott was empty. She stood up straight, feeling her heart begin to beat faster in a slow rising panic. Her gaze hovered over each of her friends, checking them off in her head, only for her to return to Caleb’s empty spot on the count of eight. Now she was looking around frantically, searching for any sign of the missing wizard until she spotted the red of his hair beyond the brush.

A rush of relief flooded through her and Jester made her way over to where she saw her missing friend standing. The morning greeting on her lips died as soon as she reached him.

The moment she had stepped into the small clearing, she froze at the sight of a large, sleek raven sitting in front of the wizard. Caleb looked over at her, eyes only reflecting a small amount of surprise, while the raven’s beady eyes stared at her, devoid of emotion.

But then, Jester blinked, and Caleb was gone.

In his place stood a taller elvish man with dark hair. Black feathers covered the top of his cloak and daggers and blades on leather belts and sheaths covered his body. Giant wings — _raven_ wings — hung on his back, shining with a blackish blue sheen in the morning sun. But as Caleb disappeared, so did the bird in front of him.

Instead of a raven, a dark, looming figure stood before him. A white, expressionless porcelain mask covered their face and for the first time in her life, Jester felt the air drop in temperature. And even though the person had a hand outstretched towards the elf, they still stared at Jester with dark sockets of nothingness.

Jester blinked again — Caleb and the bird were back — she blinked again — and the elf man replaced him. Her breathing quickened and she could hear her heart hammering in her chest, the same panic from before rising up into something even more terrible. Her left hand clenched for the weapon that she had never wielded, while her right twitched towards her back to pull an arrow from an imaginary quiver. Thoughts that didn’t sound like her own began to swim around in her head. _Please don’t take him. I don’t know how to live without you, please..._

_Please don’t leave me._

She blinked again and the elf, the figure, the bird — _Caleb_ — was gone.

And then she remembered screaming.

Jester felt herself fall to the ground as the worst pain she had ever felt filled her chest, causing her to curl up on herself as she wailed to the skies. She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the burning sensation, but the darkness only fueled the same images of Caleb disappearing. Tears quickly soaked her cheeks and she clutched the fabric over her heart, clawing and tearing at it to try and make it  _stop it hurts so bad!_

It didn’t take long to work out what it was — the pain. And she knew it wasn’t something that could be healed by magic alone. In a single moment, it felt as though all the world was weighing down on her chest. It was suffocating, like an ache that refused to go away.

Heartbreak. Loss.

Jester didn’t exactly have a ton of experience with the feeling, but she knew of it. She had felt it when she thought about her father, wondering if he ever loved her, if he knew she existed. She felt it when she had to leave her mother and her home. But those barely compared to what she was experiencing now.

It was unbearable. Jester wanted to cry for help, but instead, the only words that she could speak were, “Please don’t go, please don’t take him, please, please…”

 _It’s not fair,_ the voice in her head thought.

There was a commotion above her and Jester knew it was her friends coming to see what had happened, but she couldn’t even bring herself to open her eyes. A few pairs of hands tried to touch her, but she shook them off until someone pulled her into their arms and began to brush through her hair. This touch — this one — she settled in.

It didn’t take long for her to figure out that it was Caleb that was holding her and rocking her gently. He mumbled a few words every now and then, but Jester was still reeling from the ache in her chest. A couple minutes later, she heard him whisper.

 _“I’ve got you, Stubby.”_ And he repeated it into her ear like a mantra, clinging to her with a tight embrace.

Minutes, maybe hours, past before Jester was finally able to open her eyes. The sun was high in the sky, now. Her friends were all seated on the ground around her and Caleb, all of them appearing extremely concerned. She thought that she even saw tears in Nott and Beau’s eyes. She sniffed one last time, feeling utterly exhausted and drained from whatever had taken a hold of her.

Caduceus seemed to sense this and moved forward to hand her a cup of tea. She mustered up enough strength to give him a weak smile as thanks and in return, he placed a caring hand against her cheek before moving away. The group was quiet for just a bit more, and she appreciated the time they were giving her. The whole time that she sipped at her tea Caleb never moved from her side.

After what felt like ages, Jester could breathe normally and the pain that had taken over her body had faded.

“Jester?” Nott started gingerly. “Do you feel better?”

Jester gave a small nod, “I do. I’m sorry, you guys. I really don’t know what happened…”

She did. But how could she explain it to them without sounding crazy?

“We all woke up to you screaming and crying,” Beau said shakily. “We thought someone had attacked you.”

Fjord was frowning. “You looked like you were hurtin’ real bad. Caduceus even tried some magic, but nothing helped. It wasn’t until Caleb started holding you that you started to settle down.”

Jester’s breath hitched and she shut her eyes again, taking a deep breath and then turned to where she knew Caleb’s face was. She peeked out of one eye and almost cried in relief when she saw the blue eyes and red hair of Caleb Widogast. His eyebrows were scrunched together in concern and concentration and it reminded her of the face he got whenever he was pouring over a new book he found. She reached up and pressed a hand to his face, feeling the light stubble on his chin and laughed softly.

“You really need to shave, Caleb,” Jester told him.

The worry lines on his face lightened with his eyes, and he even managed a small smile. “Ja, I have been meaning to, but we have been on the road for quite some time.”

“I can do it for you!” Jester offered, feeling her more like her usual self. “Oh! I-I could even make you a really nice beard if you want.”

The worry lines returned, “Ah, no, thank you.”

The exchange between them seemed to clear the air and allow the others to relax. Jester saw this and sent them a thumbs up as if to say that everything was okay. All of them were still seated in a somewhat circle around both her and Caleb, and she noticed how their shoulders became less tense the more that she talked. _I must have really scared them_ , she thought, feeling a rush of fondness towards her friends — grateful that they cared so much about her.

A few minutes later, Caleb asked gently, “Would you like to get up now? You are probably hungry...”

“Food sounds good!” Jester agreed while being helped to her feet. Her legs wobbled slightly, but other than that, she felt completely normal.

“I- um… Would you like to hold Frumpkin for a bit…?” Caleb said, still by her side.

Knowing that Caleb offering up Frumpkin meant a lot, she answered happily, “Of course!”

Caleb snapped — and a black bird appeared on her shoulder. The same raven.

Without warning, Jester shrieked and shook the bird away. She turned around and hugged herself tightly, trying to forget the creeping cold she felt around the raven, and the elf, and the porcelain mask with no eyes–.

There was another snap and the cold went away. Jester didn’t realize how heavily she was breathing until she looked down at her shaking hands. She could feel the threat of tears behind her eyes and she blinked them away quickly. One breakdown was enough, she didn’t want to reach the second one.

Suddenly, a heavy furred cloak covered her shoulders and Jester looked to her side to find Yasha there. “You looked cold,” was all she said, then proceeded to lightly guide her by the shoulders over to the sputtering campfire.

Caduceus joined them along the way and immediately began preparing food once they sat down. He hummed under his breath, completely in his element. Jester watched him pour out tea into their traveling cups and thanked him quietly when he handed her and Yasha one without even looking.

If Jester looked beyond the fire, she could see Nott, Caleb, Beau, and Fjord standing close. Every now and then, Beau or Nott would send worried glances over their shoulders towards her, and Jester knew that they must have been discussing everything that had transpired that morning. She just continued to drink her tea and returned her interest towards whatever Caduceus was doing.

She didn’t want to think about it.

About ten minutes later, the rest of the group joined them at the fire, taking the offered drinks and settling in for the rest of the afternoon.

The next time Jester saw Frumpkin, he was a cat again.


End file.
